Friday, January 30, 2015

Peace

Today I went to see the neurologist about my MRI results.
I received great news. He said my brain looks marvelous!  He said I am having Aura Migraines which, combined with the wrong meds, can cause a stroke. He also said that I am very tense: that I needed to learn to relax, to take life more lightly, to trust more. As he was talking I was saying to myself “you have no idea what my life is like…it is easier said then done” but I also started reflecting on the last 4 months.
My sister Edith would say that I was like a rock. I would go with her and Cory to each doctor’s appointment. I was there with to hear each horrifying update. At no time did I cry or get mad or react in a bad way. I now understand it was mainly because I was more shocked than anything. We, the Salazar girls, have never gone through losing a loved one. I honestly didn’t know how to respond to the news. I would like to think that I was strong and responding out of a mature faith but that is not true. My migraines show that I was just trying to be strong in my own strength.

Here are the lyrics to a song that ministered to my heart many times while in the states and today as I was praying and asking God to help me learn to trust Him.

"Peace" from the Galkin CD - "Each Day I Live" 


Peace, You give peace
When the storms come and I’m afraid
Peace, You give me peace
When I trust in the words You say.
You give me peace.

If you can calm the sea
Then You can comfort me
If winds obey Your voice
Why should I fear their noise?
And though my eyes can’t see. 
I know You’re with me. 

When someone starts to fight
And does things I don’t like.
I hear your gentle voice
Saying I have a choice to make an enemy or spread your peace

Peace, you give peace
When the storms come and I’m afraid
Peace, you give me peace
When I trust in the words you say. 
You give me peace.


This is what I am seeking: True peace. Peace that understands His presence, power and unmerited favor towards me. I realize that my lack of peace is rooted in unbelief. 
"Let not your heart be troubled; ye believe in God, believe also in me"
 Please pray for me as I learn to trust the words of My Father.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Meditating on His goodness

I am in a lobby waiting to be called to get an MRI.
I have been having migraines with some weird side effects. I had two episodes of not seeing right or articulating correctly. The first time I was in Walmart getting groceries with my sister Edith when a man walked by me. I could only see half of him. I remember rubbing my eyes trying to clear my vision. I went home and while chatting with my sis in law, Bethany, I had a brain fart. I tried to share something but could not get my thoughts straight. And then I could not say specific words. It seemed weird. It was frustrating and scary. I didn't really put two and two together until the next day. It happened again about a month later while I was at a playdate in a park. This time the weird vision thing didn't happen except for spots, but as my friend and I were chatting about homeschooling all of a sudden I could not speak. The words just would not come out.

So here am I waiting... Waiting alone in a foreign country. My sweet hubby is watching the kids. My friend couldn't make it. "It's really OK!" I say to myself, while emotions of anxiousness and fear creep into my heart. If someone was here they could only wait with me in the admissions lobby and then would have to wait an hour for me while I got tested. It would not be fun for them but still my selfish self wishes to have someone here.

Missing my mom...missing my sisters.

I speak to my heart the verses I am working to memorize this week.

Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you 1 Thess. 5:16-18

This calms my anxious heart. I am called in. I am to lay still for 35 minutes as the machine makes some awful sounds.

I lay remembering the events of yesterday.Remembering His goodness. Remembering....

Yesterday was chaotic. My alarm didn't ring so I didn't wake up when I planned because my body was exhausted from staying up late packing. I rushed to get ready, shower the kids and stuff any last minute things into the luggage. Buddy crammed the bags into my mom's little Kia soul and Edith's Toyota van. We rushed to Walmart to pick up zip ties and some other last minute things some friends asked us to bring. On the way to the airport Buddy asked me "do you have all the passports?" I replied confidently "yes!" Since Edith and I had made sure to pack them days ago. We rushed to check in. The lady at the check in desks asked for our kid's Peruvian passports and I proudly handed her all three. She went on to ask if we had a new passport for Joseph. I stood confused.
Long story short: I had the wrong passport. I packed the expired one. My heart dropped, as I lifted up a quick silent prayer "Father help"
Edith, Mami, Sabrina, Louis, and I rush back to the house to try to find the correct passport. After tearing the room apart I still didn't find it. I barely made it back to the airport but God was working to show me His unmerited favor towards this prideful selfish sinner. While I was frantically looking for the passport Buddy was checking the bags in (barely meeting the weight limit and with more bags than we were allowed). Buddy told the kind lady at the desk that we were missionaries, and she went on to excitedly share that she was going on a missions trip to Africa this summer. She did not charge us for any of the bags and she later held the plane until I got there! Thank you, gracious Father. She also double checked for permission for Joseph to fly without a Peruvian passport since he was born in Peru. Not only that but she also checked two of our carry ons so we would not have to lug them through the next airport. God cares about the details.

The flights were great but stressful. Both Buddy and I prayed the whole time since we did not know if immigrations in Peru would allow us to enter the country without Joseph's passport. As we were filling out the customs papers to go through immigrations I noticed the options of using their Peruvian citizenship card as an official document to enter the country. So as we approached immigrations we decided to only present each child's DNI and not their passports. Buddy and I each prayed individually, and we were cleared with no questions or problems! All our bags arrived and customs gave us no problems. Praise the Lord! Thank you, Father for caring and for continually showing me that you are present.

So as I lay in this scary unknown machine I meditate and remember to rejoice and give thanks in the scary unknown because His will is good and perfect even when it's not what I would choose or had planned.
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